Latest Answers

Intervention
What is an enabler in a relationship?
Asked by: Janessa Jackson
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The dictionary answer to this would be a person or thing that makes something possible, or a person who encourages or enables negative or self destructive behavior in another. But we both know that isn’t really very descriptive when it comes to a loved one. So in my research on this subject I came across this description that I now have made into a picture and put it in a frame on my wall so I can be reminded to no longer enable people I love, it only hurts them worse in the long run.

Enabling behaviors are those behaviors that support our addicted loved one’s chemical use. By not allowing the addicted person to accept the consequences for their actions….by providing the pillow each time they stumble or fall….we are enabling their chemical use. Some things i’ve also learned is that us as enablers have certain behaviors we may exhibit to cover up their behavior, like complete denial, telling yourself your loved one isn’t as bad as other addicts because they still go to work everyday, or we may find ourselves using with the addict or alcoholic, this way we can watch them and possibly limit their intake.

We may even try to justify it, because you know we all deserve something to help us relax after such a stressful day. We tend to avoid problems by keeping the peace and taking care of problems so we don’t upset anyone. We minimize the situation because its not so bad, and it will get better when life gets better. We will protect the addicts image, we begin avoiding our feelings by working too much eating too much or manicuring our homes so we don’t have to look at the real issues.

The easiest one for me was to take over the effected responsibilities. I would take out the garbage, and sweep the driveway super early in the morning so nobody would notice, my Dad didn’t do it cause he was hungover. And I always thought if I can just be patient enough things will get better, God will take care of it. Because I was a good person and soon my Dad would realize how much I had done for him. I couldn’t have been more wrong! Once I stopped helping (enabling) him he had to make a choice to get better.

Addiction
What is addiction?
Asked by: Andre
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I don’t see your little weekend coke as being an addiction. When you are willing to do just about anything to get your next line, that for sure would be an addiction.