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Am I enabling my son?

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  3. Category: Substance Abuse
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  5. Am I enabling my son?
Asked: 2018-11-20 13:40:43
My son is addicted to heroin and he currently trying to get clean. The thing is I buy him groceries because he says he doesn't have any money for food. Now I know not to give him money directly because I'm afraid he'll just go and buy a bunch of drugs, so I instead buy him food. I tried asking him what happens to all his money but he says he doesn't make enough to cover everything and seemed to get a little defensive like I was accusing him of still using. I'm just worried that I'm enabling him. What do you think?


Answered: 2018-11-21 17:51:20

As a parent of a heroin addict myself, I know exactly what you mean! I can't let my boy go hungry but he never has any money. I've been advised by his addiction therapist to set strong boundaries. I've decided that I'll buy him food but I will never loan him money for anything ever again. I even narrowed it down to not putting gas in his car for him or help him in any other way financially. I buy a variety of healthy foods to keep in the house and I invite him to go on my run with me every morning. I try to be really involved in his sobriety but I simply can't make myself stop my son when he goes into the refrigerator looking for a meal. Everything else though? I stick to my boundaries. NO EXCEPTIONS! Good luck brother.


Answered: 2018-11-20 15:00:40

honestly mat i dont think that you are enabling him. Of course you wouldnt want for your own son to go hungry no matter if they are on drugs or not. I think you are good and not enabling by just handing over money cause god knows if you gave him cash what he would do with it


Answered: 2018-11-29 16:30:27

Hi Mat, I think you are doing the best that you can. ,Just remember, don't give him cash or gift cards, just give him food. Let him make you a list even. If I were you I would get into family therapy.


Answered: 2019-01-31 20:40:19

Justin, Maddy, and Joanna, Thank you for the support. I have stuck to just giving him food and it has been a rough ride. I caught him stealing from my wallet when he popped over for dinner. I nearly lost it with him. This has been such a rough ride. I'm struggling with him to make it to meetings as well. I took your advice Justin and stopped putting gas in his car too. If he doesn't have gas, he can't make it to his dealer that he calls a friend. I feel like i am at my wits end but i don't want to give up. Anymore advice to offer, i am all ears!

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